Why haven't you vindicated me? You are the God of my strength. Why are you in despair, my soul? I shall again praise Him. Why do I mourn? Send your light.
I think I'm glad that David was honest enough with us to show both his doubts and his faith. He knew the answers. He knew he needed God to send His light and truth to guide him. He knew he would again praise God, but he was still in despair - and knew he shouldn't be.
If the "man after God's own heart" - as David was called - had to wrestle with doubt then I don't feel so bad about those times when I am unsure of what God is saying (or when it doesn't seem like He is saying anything at all, but I NEED Him to saying something - anything!
It's hard to wait. It's hard to trust. It's easy to wallow in self-pity and for our souls to be in despair.
David knew the answer and he reminded himself what the answer was.
So it's OK, I suppose, to be in one of those "He loves me, He loves me not" times of life as long as you remind yourself of the things that David knew. Then let God lift your countenance - you can't do it on your own.
1 comment:
When I read this over, I thought "another Psalm of David being beaten down and crying out for God." But then I recalled that a few days back, when the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals overturned the voters' mandate in California against gay marriage, I felt such despair at the direction that America was going. That and other recent upheavals in the country just really made me want to research another place to move when I retire. I wanted to just throw in the towel and get away. I read back over David's words in the first few verses: "stick up for me against these loveless, immoral people. Get me out of here, away from these lying degenerates. ... Why am I pacing the floor, wringing my hands over these outrageous people? Give me your lantern and compass, give me a map." It made me realize that I need to ask God where He wants me, what He wants me to do with my life, even though running away to a quiet island sounds great....
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